apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
