Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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