Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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