I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
