Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Are my feet made of real feet?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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