Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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