I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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