so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
