My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
