it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
