ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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