I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
false alarm, still single
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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