she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
