Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
