i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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