Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm jealous of your bromance
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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