If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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