I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
