She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
