we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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