what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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