Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
