More tranny stories later!
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
