dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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