good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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