Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
