Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
