she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
