why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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