The brown eye won't let me do that either.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Randomize
