she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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