I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
