I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
