god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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