i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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