one two three fourrrrnication!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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