Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
