I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
