whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
