but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
