I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
my being single is dangerous.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
