if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
