dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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