He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
