TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
