I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
