dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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