I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
