I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
