Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
